Book Review, 4 of 4: Lang and Lankford-Moran's Why a Daughter Needs a Dad

Authors Gregory E. Lang, a family therapist, and Janet Lankford-Moran, photographer, published in 2002 the beautiful book Why a Daughter Needs a Dad: A Hundred Reasons (Cumberland House Publishing, March 18, 2002), as part of a series of equally good books that include Why a Son Needs a Mom: 100 Reasons, Why a Son Needs a Dad: 100 Reasons, and Why a Daughter Needs a Mom: 100 Reasons.

Following the format of picture books, each page has a black and white picture of a girl or a woman and her father interacting with one another, along an inspiring phrase about that picture. Among my favorites pages is the one that shows an adult woman holding the picture of her deceased soldier father, with the moving statement “A daughter needs a dad who will influence her life even when he isn’t with her”, and the one that has the picture of the hands of a father and his baby girl accompanied by the wonderful statement “A daughter needs a dad to be the safe spot she can always turn to”.

The book explores the rich and complex relationship between father and daughter. The experiences shared by both, the games, the laughter, the comfort of familiarity, all of it creates a common history for dad and daughter, providing strength and security for their daughters, as she grow into womanhood. A healthy bond between a father and his daughter can make the difference between a healthy and happy woman and one that's not, and it also shows her what to expect from her future adult relationships.

One of the best features of the book is that it make us fathers feel pride about being a fathers and about our role in our daughters’ lives, affirming a wide range of the ways that we influence positively the outcome of their development into adulthood. The book will inspire and encourage fathers to embrace their important role in educating, guiding and supporting their daughters.

“The first time I read what I had written,” writes Lang, “I saw a list of what a daughter might ask her father to do for her. The second time I read it I saw a list of all that I hope to do for my daughter.”

An excellent present to any father, this book is a great reading in particular for those of us who have been blessed with daughters.

Book Review, 3 of 4: Meeker's Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

Meg Meeker is a medical doctor and psychiatrist who practices pediatric and adolescent medicine, and counseling in Traverse City, Michigan. Dr. Meeker is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics and a fellow of the National Advisory Board of The Medical Institute. She is a popular speaker on teen issues and is frequently heard on nationally syndicated radio and television programs in the USA.

After more than twenty years of counseling girls, Dr. Meeker believes that fathers, more than anyone else does, set the course for their daughters’ lives. Based on that belief, in her book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters10 Secrets Every Father Should Know (Regnery Publishing, Inc., 2006), Dr. Meeker has written a manual for fathers who want to find ways of connecting positively with their daughters. Directly challenging the feminist attack on traditional masculinity, this is not a book that tells men to act more like women, but a well-researched book with real-life examples that underline her points.

She is convinced that the relationship between girls and their fathers is of central importance for their development, that the most important person in a girl’s life is her father. To become a strong, confident woman, a daughter needs her father’s attention, protection, courage, and wisdom. Dr. Meeker demonstrates using personal experience and scientific data how a strong bond between father and daughter is the best protection against eating disorders, failure in school, early sexual activity, STDs, unwed pregnancy and drug or alcohol abuse. It is also the best predictor of academic achievement, successful marriage and a satisfying emotional life.

The subtitle of the book is 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know, because Dr. Meeker shares ten secrets that every father needs to know in order to establish a strong and healthy relationship with his daughter and shape her life for the better. These secrets are structured into the chapters with titles as interesting as “Protect Her, Defend Her (and use a shotgun if necessary), “Be the Man You Want Her to Marry” and “Teach Her to Fight. Among the issues discussed in the book are:

• The essential virtues of strong fathers, and how to develop them.

• How daughters take cues from their fathers on everything from drug use, drinking, smoking, and having sex, to self-esteem, moodiness, and seeking attention from boys.

• Why girls want you to place restrictions on them (even though they will complain when you do).

The importance of becoming a hero to your daughter.

•Te fact that girls actually depend on their dads’ guidance through, and even beyond, their college years.

• Why girls need God and how your faith, or lack thereof, will influence her.

• Essential communication strategies for different stages of a girl’s life

Dr. Meeker's book is a call to fathers to realize their potential to positively influence their daughters' lives, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Excuse my Absence

In a sudden and unexpected way, during the last weeks the breath of God has blown in my direction, showing His wonderful favor towards me.

Alter years of struggle for the joint custody of my daughter, today I find myself at the doors o fan agreement that would give my daughter and me the opportunity of having the healthy father-daughter relationship that we always should have had. Signal of this is that this weekend I had m daughter with me from Friday to Sunday. God is smiling at me.

Due to this, I have had to postpone for next Sunday the third part f my series of book reviews. But I am sure that my brothers and sisters Hill understand me and Hill rejoice with me. So, until Sunday.

Book Review, 2 of 4: Bronwstone’s Tug of War

Harvey Brownstone, a Toronto family court judge with fourteen years of experience, published recently a book titled Tug of War: A Judge's Verdict on Separation, Custody Battles, and the Bitter Realities of Family Court (Ecw Press, January 2009).

This book, the first ever written by a family court judge on these issues, has been written not in legal but in layman’s language, provides much-needed information for separated couples contemplating going to family court to resolve parental disputes. It explains complex family law concepts and procedures, including detailed explanation on what family courts are, what they are not, and how they work.

The book also offers easily understandable case examples to show the reader how harmful family court is for families, and how bad litigation is for children.
Because Judge Brownstone believes that family courts are always damaging and should be used only as a last resort, he describes several "alternative dispute resolutions" to litigation that may help prevent families with children from entering the legal system to resolve disputes, alternatives such as mediation, collaborative law, counseling, and binding arbitration, all of them aimed at helping families reach agreements out of court.

Analyzing all parties involved in family law issues, judges, lawyers, mediators, parenting coaches, psychologists, family counselors, and social workers, Brownstone demystifies the role of lawyers and judges, and attacks the idea that parents can represent themselves in court, strongly encouraging to seek legal representation from a lawyer who specializes in family law.

The book examines each parent’s responsibility to ensure that post-separation conflicts are resolved with minimal damage to the children stuck in the middle of parental disputes.

"The whole message of this book is that family court is bad for families and litigation is bad for children. That's what people need to know," says Brownstone, "there are a lot of people out there in pain and they come here thinking it will get better," "but there's no winning in family court – there are only degrees of losing. People get that when they come here, but it's too late by then."

This book is a "must-read" for every separated and divorced parent. Readers should also look for Brownstone article “"That toxic tug-of-war". (www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/LAC.20090425.COESSAY25ART1958/TPStory/National/?pageRequested=all), published on April 25 of 2009 in the webpage of the Canadian newspaper The Globe and Mail (www.theglobeandmail.ca), on which he discuss the same issues, with emphasis in the concept of the “Parental Alienation Syndrome” (PAS).

Book Review, 1 of 4: Cordero’s That's Just the Way It Is

This is the first of four book reviews that will be published in four consecutive weeks, this one on Cordero’s That's Just The way It Is, and the next three on Brownstone’s Tug of War, Meeker’s Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, and Lang and Lankford-Moran’s Why a Daughter Needs a Dad.

Author Bobbie Cordero has been a school teacher for over 48 years, and through her professional experience she got familiar with the struggles of children of divorced parents. She just published a children book titled That's Just The way It Is (Eloquent Books NY NY), precisely on the subject of the relationship between divorced parents and their children. After doing research on the issue, Cordero discovered there were almost no children books on divorce and custody issues viewed from a child’s perspective, and decided to write this little book to fill that void.

This story is told with the fresh and simple style of a five year old little girl and describes the strong bond that exists between a little girl and her divorced dad. Due to that situation, the girl has to live in two separate homes with her divorced parents. When she asks her dad why she has to live her life that way, he replies "That's Just the Way It Is." Through the book the little girl learns to accept that the way she lives her life is just another, different but valid, way of living.

This story is designed to show that in post-divorce situations, both parents usually love their children equally, and that in particular the father's impact on his children lives can remain constant and positive, raising them happy and healthy.
An easy-to-read book which can be enjoyed by kids as well as grown-ups, filled with bright, colorful illustrations, That’s Just the Way it Is helps children to learn to deal with divorce, and that living in separate homes can be okay after all. So, for us divorced parents, or for those who know children of divorced parents, this book would make an excellent present, fun and helpful. To people like me, who fight for the cause of joint custody, finding a book that starts with the idea that the children of divorced parents will live in the two houses of their parents, this book is a sweet relief. We need more children books like this.